The things I find beautiful...

This is a reprise of an old post I had written two years ago in the summer of '08.
Originally written on : July 09, 2008

There's nothing more beautiful than a man who is kind, compassionate, and benevolent to his mother and humble enough to prostrate before God. I think I could love a man like that. On the contrary, I fell in love with whom I thought was almost perfect in every way, that is until, I learned that he didn't believe in God or a god. He simply didn't believe that there is something great out there, or larger than him, for that matter. I was appalled and I thought, "I can't possibly love a man who thinks he is the greatest thing in the universe (or his universe, it matters not)." I also learned that he's not too big on pre-destination. At some point, he made me stop believing in it. I was senseless to have done that. Free-will and pre-destination go hand-in-hand--you can't have one without the other--however paradoxical that sounds. I learned more things about him along the way that put some sense into me. I realized that I had fallen blindly for this man.

I found his "formality," knack for words, and the ability to captivate me with his unconventional storytelling irresistible. For the longest time, I had a hard time deciding on whether it was the stories that I was falling for or the man behind them. After some time, I grew weary of both and dismissed them from my thoughts. In a nutshell, sometimes things aren't what they seem and that some people aren't as good as you perceive them to be.

Then I reflect on what I have now. Despite his weaknesses and shortcomings, he sure has a lot of good qualities to cover for the former. To me, he's truly what's irresistible--sexy and adorable in his own ways and in his own rights. For instance, I especially love it when he finds fascination in the littlest things and then gets incredibly excited over them. Or the way he changes the subject in a conversation before I have time to finish contemplating on the current subject; I used to despise that but I eventually grew to tolerate it, and maybe even like it. I love it when he tells me of his fears and worries. I love that he trusts me in the way that I trust him.

However, not all things are gravy. Sometimes he saddens me with the slang/profanity and the periodic drinking...and his fixation on adult films... and the occasional gravitation towards gambling, but I see something much bigger when I think of him, and that's his heart. He cares for my well-being, he's utterly patient with me, he's thoughtful, considerate, and understanding. But best of all, he's humble enough to believe in God and the fact that he does, it is beautiful. Oh me oh my. Could this be...real? If only...then maybe...it could work out. Maybe.

To be continued...

Clearly, this post was written at a time when we were still both at that pivotal point in our relationship. I see him in a completely different light now. Things have changed. People change. Relationships get broken. What used to be is now no more. I choose to move on with my life.